Naruto Chapter 635 Parody
-In a strange way, I’ve kinda been waiting for a chapter like this, idk.
Suigetsu: Wow, giant slugs are hanging out all over the place here, just chilling, and that one over there is mending an old woman who’s been cut in half. Dude, someone call the Supernatural fandom because we need the fucking salt.
Karin: There aren’t any demons or whatever here, idiot.
Suigetsu: I’m talking to one.
Karin: I hope Hannibal thinks you’re rude.
Orochimaru: Would you two get off Tumblr for two goddamn seconds so we can continue with our mission?
Karin: NO I HAVE A SHIT TON OF SASUKE PICTURES TO REBLOG
Suigetsu: I JUST WANT THE FUCKING SALT
-In which Suigetsu and Karin are married.
Orochimaru: Hey, Tsuna-sweetie, we’re here. <3
-Did Suigetsu really think that Tsunade had a super long torso? Oh, Sui-chan.
Katsuyu: BACK THE FUCK UP OROCHI-BASTARD NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Orochimaru: Lol no I’m here to help.
Katsuyu: The fuck?
Orochimaru: Tee hee, Imma be a good guy cuz it’s what my adorable little Sasu-baby wants…or something. Maybe I’m just here to be ironic and give the commentator a lot of feels since Imma come back to the village as a good guy and Jiraiya-chan isn’t here to see it. Woo! We good?
Suigetsu: If you believe him, I’ll let you have a sip of my Starbucks!
Katsuyu: …What flavor?
Suigetsu: How about the green tea frappuccino?
Katsuyu: …I want at least half.
Orochimaru: So what’s up with the other Kage?
Katsuyu: Oh, they’re hanging out inside me having a super awesome slumber party.
-Seriously, the other Kage are INSIDE pieces of Katsuyu? This is one of your weirder summoned animal abilities, Kishi.
A: WHY THE FUCK DID WE CHOOSE TO RIDE THE RAINBOW ROAD GODDAMMIT I KEEP FALLING OFF THIS STUPID-ASS THING
Onoki: Lol noob
A: WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP GETTING THE SHITTY SINGLE BANANA THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS?!?!?!
Gaara: WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT BLUE SHELL AT ME
Mei: Tee hee, sorry~
Gaara: No, you’re not.
A: I FELL AGAIN FUCK FUCK FUCK
Onoki: LAST LAP WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
A: FUCK THIS I’M SO DONE
Gaara: AGAIN WITH THE GODDAMN BLUE SHELLS I SWEAR TO SHUKAKU I’M DECLARING WAR ON KIRIGAKURE ONCE THIS IS OVER
Mei: Bring it on, pretty boy~
-On a side note, I’ve ended friendships over that goddamn blue shell.
Tsunade: …Those bitches will pay for not inviting me.
Orochimaru: I play winner! Anyway, let’s get back to healing you and shit. Sui-chan! Put Tsuna-sweetie’s body back together!
Suigetsu: Aw, I wanted to tear shit up and stuff. Meh. Don’t even think about drinking the rest of that frappuccino, Katsuyu.
Orochimaru: And let her
give you an orgasm bite you, Karin.
Karin: ONLY SASUKE IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT
Suigetsu: WAIT A SECOND SASUKE’S BEEN GIVING ME ORGASMS WHAT THE HELL
Karin: I MEAN HE’S SO FLAWLESS AND I HEAR HIS HAIR IS INSURED FOR $10,000 AND HE HAS TWO MAJOR ATTACKS AND A KEKKEI GENKAI AND ONE TIME HE FOUGHT DANZOU AND HE SAID HE WAS POWERFUL AND ONE TIME HE TRIED TO KILL ME IT WAS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME
Suigetsu: I have no idea what the fuck you’re even saying anymore.
-There are moments when I relate to Suigetsu on a spiritual level.
-And he and Karin continue to prove that they are indeed married. I love how Orochi-chan’s just watching them like “I need new loyal slaves holy crap this is embarrassing.”
Karin: YOUR BODY’S SO FUCKING WEIRD AND I LOVE IT GIVE IT TO ME
Suigetsu: I CAN’T STAND YOUR ROTTEN SOUL AND I WANT IT SO BAD OMFG
Orochimaru: JESUS FUCK WOULD YOU TWO JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY OR DO I HAVE TO TIE YOU UP WITH MY SNAKES AND FORCE IT?!?!?!
Suigetsu & Karin: YOU’RE THE FREAKIEST HERE AND NO ONE WANTS YOU
-THANK GOD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT AND PROPERLY REPRESENTED THE NARUTO FANDOM’S THOUGHTS ABOUT OROCHIMARU
-Hey, guys, remember when we all thought he was gonna be the main villain of the series? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
-The craziest part? They actually managed to put Tsunade back together and heal her. Whoa.
Orochimaru: So where’s my thank you, sweetie?
Tsunade: The hell are you even doing? I thought you were off being dead.
Orochimaru: Oh, I picked up a new hobby~
Tsunade: Fuck you and your usual vagueness, whatever. As long as you don’t bring up—
Orochimaru: Hey, wouldn’t it be great if Jiraiya could see me be all good and shit?
Tsunade: Fuck you again.
Orochimaru: Jiraiya used to.
Suigetsu & Karin: What.
Orochimaru …OKAY WELL THEN I’m off to the battlefield, okay~? Later, little Kage babies! Remember that I play the winner of Rainbow Road!
BACK AT THE BATTLEFIELD
Naruto: WOOOOOO LET’S GET THE BIJUU BACK FROM THE JUUBI!!!!!
Sasuke: Nah, fuck that, I’m burning that motherfucker to the ground.
-Oh my god, Naruto, stop pouting.
-Aaaaaaaaaaaand Sasuke’s eyes got creepy again, oh snap, some serious crazy-ass betrayal shit and whatever is gonna go down.
Sasuke: BURN, LITTLE BITCH, BU—!!
Juubi: LOL NO
Sai: Sakuraaaaaaaaaaa, Sasuke’s being a little shit.
Sakura: Yeah, but I’m happy he’s back and I completely trust him.
Sai: Okay even I know that was a lie that smile is faaaaaaaaaaake.
-Shikamaru’s onto your shit, too, Sasuke.
BACK WITH THE KAGE
Tsunade: Basically, I hate you all for having a super awesome slumber party without me and for taking my video game consoles without asking. You all suck. But let’s go fight or something and then we’ll have a big tournament. I gotta beat the shit out of all the little bitches who threatened to replace me. MAMA’S GONNA BREAK THEIR FACES.
A: I fucking hate that stupid-ass game.
Onoki: You’re just pissed because you suck.
Mei: Tee hee, thanks for letting me go ahead of you, Kaze-baby, what a gentleman you are.
Gaara: If I wasn’t so focused on getting back to Naruto and claiming him for myself while fighting Sasuke and Sai off of him I’d declare war on Kirigakure right now.
-WOO ALL THE KAGE ARE ALIVE AND I’M REALLY HAPPY
OVER IN 1980S TETRIS LAND I MEAN KAMUI WHATEVER
Obito: Holy shit, Kakashi, this Icha-Icha series is fucking awesome, where’s the next book?
Kakashi: You had Pain kill the author back in Amegakure so that’s the last one.